Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize