i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Ladies don't puke and tell
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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