Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
