he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
