Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
birth control should be required to get into college
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
