Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
