My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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