he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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