my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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