I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
