Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
