You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
