Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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