I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
