Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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