Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize