girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
