I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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