Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
