Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize