I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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