Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
