The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
