She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
