I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
