My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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