Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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