so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
