the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
