Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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