I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
