Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize