question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
