i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
