Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You pole danced in your parka.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
