He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
