I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize