I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
this boner is exhausting
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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