Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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