I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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