I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
now i know why i became what i already was.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
