Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
