there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
