Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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