Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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