so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize