Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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