I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
