Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
