that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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