she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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