too bad you live with your parents still
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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