Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
