His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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