she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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