Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
