I showed him my bush... on skype.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
