I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
