It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize