Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
