I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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