found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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