Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize