you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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