A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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