At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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