Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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