every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
