Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
